Getting over someone after a much cherished relationship and quality time spent can be one of the toughest thing and emotionally challenging. Whatever is been your experience after a failed relationship, rest assured, you’re not alone. Whether you’re mourning the end of a years-long relationship or you find a situation walking out on you, getting over someone can be tough.
The average break-up takes time. You only need to give yourself some time to get used to it. It’s okay if you don’t want to do anything but binge watch TV shows or lie on the couch all day.
However, what you do within the recovery “time” determines how long it eventually takes. In this basic self-care guide, we explore some practical tips to note when you aim at getting over someone. Whether you’re going through a long-term relationship, a short-lived fling, or an unrequited crush, you’ll find the practical tips for moving on here helpful.
- Accept Your Fate
During this period, you’re likely grieving that person – their familiarity, uniqueness, and the dreams you had of the relationship’s future. It won’t be fun, but it helps so much when you allow yourself to sit in the sadness.
Sometimes, it’s pretty easy to overlook this phase of actually being honest with ourselves about the cause of our sadness. But without allowing yourself to feel that grief right away, you’re delaying the inevitable. And guess what? It’ll jump out of you without your permission, in the middle of work or during a football game with friends. Spare yourself the emotions and soak in your feelings now.
- Identify What’s Actually Making You Sad
Being honest about what you genuinely miss makes it easier to identify the way forward. For example, you miss their hope or faith in your dreams, which brought out the best in you.
Or perhaps you missed the quality time you spent together, which made you feel wanted and supported. Spotting the significant elements of the relationships that affected you puts you on course in seeking the same fulfilment elsewhere.
You may want to join social groups and communities that can support your dreams and fan the flames again. Otherwise, you might join intensive discussion groups on topics that interest you to build connections with those who enjoy engaging in relatable discussions.
While the person can’t be replaced, the values of that connection can be fulfilled elsewhere if you’re keen about having them. If you found it once, remember you can find it again. So allow yourself to remain hopeful.
- Lean on Others for Support
If you always told that person every great or sour news, then you’ll likely become vulnerable now every time something like that happens. Here’s how it works: you did excellently at work or school, and you immediately text your ex to celebrate with you; someone spoke badly about you, and you immediately text your ex to complain.
However, the memory muscle you trained during that period is now strained and buried in the closest parts of your heart. Getting over someone who’s been that go-to fellow for good or bad news, strengthen another muscle.
It could be your mum or best friend. Put them on speed dial and start connecting with them during times or moments you’re used to speaking to that person. Otherwise, just start connecting with someone else – not necessarily romantically – so you could speak with them when you feel vulnerable.
Of course, you might also consider speaking with a professional if you think it’s necessary. While speaking with friends and family might be helpful, sometimes you need a neutral person to speak with, who’ll hear you let out all the pain and trauma and be really honest about how you’re grieving.
- Structure Your Time
While it’s completely fine if you want to be alone in your emotions, grieving shouldn’t be the only or major part of your day. You’d do well to keep busy and structure your days in the beginning so you’re not wallowing in emotional pain always.
For example, you might think up an activity where you don’t have to speak about your personal life. During those moments, you’re getting outside of yourself a little. It could be a workout class, a movie after work with friends, or that beautiful pottery studio you’ve always wanted to check out. Figure out anything, even if it means volunteering your strength or resources, I’ll do something that’ll consume your space and calendar so you don’t always have to escape to your couch.
- Put Extra Focus on Self-Care
There’s no denying that you’re going to be emotionally run down. That means taking care of yourself is non-negotiable. Try pampering yourself with a cool self-care routine. It could be spoiling yourself with a facial, attending that therapy session on Zoom, or wearing your favorite fancy silk pajamas around the house.
We’re talking about creating some guilt-free time to concentrate completely on yourself and ensure your needs are met. Concentrate on your self-esteem and self-development, which might take a bit. Whatever makes you feel like you’re becoming your best self and more confident – from exercises to hobbies – give it a shot.
- Don’t Be in a Hurry to Love Again
While you want to avoid getting into a new relationship to fill the void of your old one, it’s important to move on when you think you’re ready. Take some time to examine what didn’t work between you and your previous partner. Also, take a cursory inward search.
What didn’t you like about the relationship? Did you fail to push any boundaries you should have? Or did you regret over-pushing your limits? What caused anxiety or frustration between you and your partner?
Try jotting down a list of the nonnegotiables in your next relationship – deal breakers you can’t overlook. You may also want to apply that logic to yourself. Write down things you love about yourself, alongside things you want to improve upon, before loving again.
It’s time to be accountable, not trade blame. When you’re clear about who you are without the lenses of your previous relationship, and who you want to be in the next relationship, you’re probably ready to love again. It might sound harsh, but you’re possibly not ready yet if you’re always brooding over this person and your shared moments.
- Get Excited About Tomorrow
The future is yours for the taking, and there’s no need to harbor grudges against someone else. It can be strengthening to set up a vision board of goals for what you’re set to do over the next few months, since that helps you to stay focused.
How about using your favorite magazine pages as your virtual or room wallpaper? Or browsing Pinterest for images you want your future to take after? Putting those values before you, can help with getting over someone who left faster, healed, and strengthened for the very best.
- Set Boundaries
Often, people feel the need to completely cut former partners out of their lives after a breakup. However, not everyone can make a clean break.
They might attend the same college or community as yours, so you might be forced to see them a couple of times again. At other times, there might be kids involved who need their attention one way or another.
In such cases, setting boundaries with your ex or even with yourself – and sticking to them – can go a long way. Meanwhile, if there are kids, keeping and maintaining boundaries shows them exactly how to respect themselves and their feelings.
For instance, you could set boundaries concerning your conversations. If you still have mutual friends with an ex, it’s fine to tell your mutual friends that you aren’t ready to talk about an ex at the moment. Remember, they wouldn’t know for sure unless you clarify what interactions could upset you.
If you must interact with an ex, consider having a reliable friend or two around as a social cushion. Avoid asking sensitive questions you don’t have answers to. If you must, just ask about the day’s weather or how their family dog is doing – and leave it at that.
Maintaining continuous communication while getting over someone will only complicate things, especially if you’re secretly hoping they return to you. That’s because you are sticking around without dealing with the real issues – with you, them, or your former relationship.
Also consider setting healthy boundaries on social media. If you have to delete all your shared photos and unfollow them, it’s okay. But avoid acting too rashly – you don’t want to completely erase anything you’ll want back later. Perhaps, archiving them away from daily contact will be perfect.
- Know What You’re Worth
Remember, going through a breakup has nothing to do with being undeserving of love or being undesirable. It can be extremely easy to overthink little errors in your previous relationship and focus on personal failures.
However, internalizing negative reviews someone made about your hair, speech style, or romantic expressions can damage the psyche and even hurt a future partner. Rather, turn your focus to your best traits. On a more practical note, consider writing 20 things that’ll make you a great catch. You can read to yourself over and over again before you begin dating again.
Conclusion
Getting over someone you loved and moving on from all you shared can be hurtful and challenging. However, it’s possible. Consider spending more time with other friends or loved ones, reflecting on what the love taught you, and seeking help if you’re having a difficult time. It can go a long way in aiding your healing process.